if i died would you start the facebook group?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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