I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we made out on top of his cat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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