My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize