Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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