Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
