literally had 100 drinks last night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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