i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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