Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
