3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
