just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
