I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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