you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
