I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Two words: blizzard sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
