Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wear drunk well.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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