yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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