We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
