Duck Duck Cougar?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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