You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
