I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
