Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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