Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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