yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
