oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
