So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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