smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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