This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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