My first STD was from a foam party
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
