I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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