I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
