if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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