I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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