dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
