I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
