Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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