is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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