Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
