well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How does it feel to date your dad?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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