so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
