I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
