Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
