When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize