just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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