I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
