you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
