Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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