Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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