she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
