I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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