Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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