theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is my gift to your gina
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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