you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
