She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
