I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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