Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
