Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
