please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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