***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
