I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
how does that bad decision feel?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
