after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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