Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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