then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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