just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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