Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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