hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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