my phone needs a breathalizer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
